"Yo, that seal was sneaking up on me, so I turns around and I BASHES it!! I bashes it real good.
You'd figure that yer average mammal would tend to flee at this point, but this were the meanest mother of the meanest animal (expert seals, you don't think the Navy calls their elitest fighting forces SEALS for nuttin', do ya?), and he came back fer more.
So's I gave it to 'em. He was getting kinda messy, but as my mother used ta tell me when I was gonna take ma nap, "Remember, Marky, seals always fight to the death. They never give up!", he came back fer even more."
- muckhole@earthlink.net
The Making of Club a Seal
I would like to start by saying that I don't approve of seal clubbing. Never have, never will. Seal clubbing is wrong and anyone who participates in this activity (Canadians) should be shot. Having read this statement, you may wonder why I made this page. The answer is simple. It's funny. That's about all there is to it. I thought this page would be silly, so I made it. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!
Some people have a tough time understanding how this page can be considered amusing. I don't know what to say to these people. We are just chemically different. You should get involved in protecting seals rather than sitting on your asses and complaining.
General History of Club a Seal
I suppose I can trace the origin of Club a Seal to my past. At a very young age, my father exposed me to seal clubbing on National Geographic Television, or whatever the TV version is called. I cried for the rest of the evening. My mom never forgave him for not changing the channel, but we can now benefit from his bad parenting.
Below is a "journal", updated irregularly:
August 5, 1996:
I woke up on a Monday morning rather early due to a phone call. I was up early and had nothing to do, so I decided it would be fun to make a Club a Seal page. It is scary what I do when I have too much free time. I started by drawing some baby seals and a background image. Nothing more, nothing less.
From lunch on, I lived the day of any normal teenager, I guess. It wasn't until that evening that I was left with an awkward period during dinner time. I decided to continue work on the page. By the time my friend, Andy, came over, I had the baby seal segment of the page up and running. He stood and watched as I clubbed the baby seals to death. I suppose he was amused.
August 6, 1996:
From this point, I continued my evening as any normal teenager would. Until midnight came around. It was at this time that I sat down and drew the adult seal, and made the adult segment of Club a Seal. I then worked on the presentation and such, blah blah blah, and that is where I am now.
December 3, 1997:
I had started a sequel to Assassin in January of 1997, but it was put on hold indefinitely. Towards the end of the year, I started toying with some Javascript and I decided to stay up all night and create a "JavaSeal" that reacted to the players interaction. This seal became Virtual Seal. I linked to it from my home page, but Club a Seal II was not a complete entity at the time... It got put on hold.
February 6, 1998:
I had been working on the sequel to Assassin, putting my new Javascript tricks to work. I started to realize that I needed to build more on Club a Seal II, since the two always sorta run together. I made a cheesy index page a few days previously, but it was just filler... It was on this night that I stayed up until 4am and made "Bop a Seal". I then made a new index page with the official Club a Seal II title (spelled "Club A Seal 2" as opposed to "Club a Seal II", just cause I felt like it)... It wasn't finished, but it was a very good start. Club a Seal II was now an official entity to be reckoned with, and would only keep getting better...
December 4, 1998:
A lot has happened in recent months. I moved to a new server and got my own domain name (newgrounds.com). I have been in the process of creating shockwave updates to the Club a Seal scenerios. I also added a new one involving orca whales. Will the fun ever stop?
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"I took a trip to San Diego recently, and a nice girl I met there was
considerate enough to take me to a little town outside of San Diego called La
Jolla. There's a place in La Jolla where the seals wash up on the shore and
sleep the night away on the beach, or something. Well, there was this sign
there that caught my eye. Here it is, for your viewing pleasure."
- RoachSoup@aol.com
(If you have trouble reading the sign, it says, "It is a federal offense to disturb harass or molest seals". -.ed)
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