Guest Week: Zach Weiner (SMBC)

((This comic was drawn by Zach Weiner of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. It's a floor plan of a museum with five main halls. Each hall contains several exhibits. If you click on an exhibit's spot on the map, a comic pops up showing a view of the exhibit. The museum map is full of tiny stick figures, many of them characters from xkcd.)) [[Explanatory Text:]] In the spirit of xkcd I present a proposal for a new Smithsonian museum: The Smithsonian Museum Of Dad-Trolling An entire building dedicated to deceiving children for amusement (Click to view exhibits!) [[The top left room is 'The Hall of Misunderstood Science'. It contains six exhibits.]] [[Exhibit: A giant basilisk looms over children.]] Exhibit label: BASILISKS: Real, deadly, under your bed. [[Exhibit: Four magnets hang from a square arch. A child is touching two of them together.]] Text on the arch: Magnets only leap at each other when they're teenagers. Later, they lose interest. [[Exhibit: A child on his dad's shoulders looks up at a looming statue of Jesus behind a lectern. There are flakes falling from Jesus onto them both.]] Exhibit label: Snow is Jesus' dandruff. His scalp gets dry when it's cold. [[Exhibit: A child lies asleep, while hands and a scary face reach up around the bed toward him.]] Exhibit label: Sleep: Now you're vulnerable to the boogie man! [[Exhibit: An ice block sits on a stand in front of pictures of a wolf and rhinoceros looking frightened.]] Exhibit label: Freezing water: Expands to frighten predators. [[Exhibit: An insect on a stick is orbited by a small sphere.]] Exhibit label: Anti-matter: Matter that is more than 50% ants. [[Exhibit: A DNA strand with the letters T, A, C, and G hanging around it.]] Exhibit label: DNA only has four letters because the alphabet was smaller back then. Dad, to child: Told you so. [[Exhibit: A bunch of molecules hang from the ceiling.]] Exhibit label: Molecules? In my day, we only had atoms! [[The top right room is 'Regrettable Pranks: An Interactive Experience'. There are four exhibits.]] [[Exhibit: Five balloons float tethered to a table. A child is holding a sixth balloon. The Dad looks alarmed.]] Sign on exhibit: If this helium makes your voice go higher, it's because you're ten seconds from exploding. [[Exhibit: An alien face is shown above an outline of several hands next to a ruler. A child holds his hand up to it.]] Sign on exhibit: Measure your middle finger. If it's longer than the others, you're an alien halfbreed. [[Exhibit: Three cups are on a table. A child is walking away with a fourth cup, the dad's arm around the child's shoulder.]] Exhibit label: Has anyone seen my rabbit brain? It looks like a cherry, and I dropped it in a Jello cup. [[Exhibit: A monstrous set of jaws open upward around a bed.]] Sign on exhibit: Make your bed or monsters will know a kid lives there. [[The center right room is 'Concessions'. There are three booths.]] [[Booth: A concession stand is labeled 'KFP', and displays a KFC-style bucket. A dad and child are eating.]] Dad: The "P" is for "phoenix". [[Booth: A concession stand.]] Sign on stand: Ground beef: Beef we found on the ground. Dad, to child: Told you. [[Booth: A stand shaped like a giant eye.]] Booth label: EYES CREAM Subtitle: How did you think it was spelled? Sign on booth: Now with more of the goo in your eyes. Same as every other creamery. [[The lower left room is 'Conservatory of Poorly Remembered History'. There are five exhibits.]] [[Exhibit: A man is riding a dragon.]] Exhibit label: Genghis Khan: victory through dragons. [[Exhibit: A criminal in front of some windows.]] Exhibit label: The Crimean War: The first war against crime. [[Exhibit: A castle with flags hanging on it.]] Exhibit label: The Renaissance Subtitle: Long story short, the wizards were in control. [[Exhibit:A man in Jedi-style robes with a fake beard.]] Exhibit label: Star Wars is a documentary. No, seriously. Dad, to children: Kids, this man is a veteran. [[The lower right room is 'Rotunda of Uncomfortable Topics'. There are five exhibits.]] [[Exhibit: A wrestling ring, with a man and woman mostly obscured by the exhibit label.]] Exhibit label: Naked wrestling: perfectly normal. NEVER DO IT. [[Exhibit: a figure sits at a booth in front of a bowl of food. The dad is holding a bottle.]] Exhibit label: Alcohol is poison. I drink to save you from it. Dad: You're welcome. [[Exhibit: A large bird.]] Exhibit label: Mommies get big tummies before babies come because the stork likes chubby girls. [[Exhibit: A rocket ship.]] Sign on exhibit: Grandma's not dead. She just returned to saturn. For REVENGE. [[In the areas outside the rooms, there are two more exhibits and restrooms, all clickable.]] [[Exhibit: A dinosaur skeleton.]] Exhibit label: That's right. Dinosaurs were made entirely of BONES. Dad, to kid: If you think about it, it makes sense. [[Exhibit: A large image hangs on the wall. It is a dense squiggly jumble of lines.]] Dad, to kids: You gotta squint juuust right. Sign on exhibit: Magic eye trick that doesn't actually work. [[Restrooms: There are three doors, each with a sign.]] First door (male logo): Men & Boys Second door (female logo): Women & Girls Third door (unrecognizable logo): Korgmen & Spangs {{Title text: Guest comic by Zach Weiner of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. When I was stressed out, Zach gave me a talk that was really encouraging and somehow involved nanobots.}}